Just got my hair cut (both of them). My wife got me a year-long membership to one of those fancy men’s day spa places with big leather chairs and liquor. It’s 10 AM. When in Rome…. My go-to (even pre-noon) is a gin and tonic. I’ve been drinking them for years. I’m the best. Also, smart business move on their part. Get the customer slightly lubricated and he won’t care as much if you make him look like Telly Salvales. Who loves you baby?…
Ah gin… I blame my English ancestry. And my Irish ancestry. And my wife’s Dutch ancestry. And 2025. And Robert Prevost. What can I say? It’s crisp and refreshing.
Feeling like a million bucks after my buzz job, I decided to stop at a liquor store and pick up a bottle for the home bar. Also, I was out at home and I have out of town guests coming who may or may not like gin but I sure do.
Wandering through the aisles of a liquor store I had never been in before I encountered a young man in a green vest.
“Can I help you find something,” he asked politely.
“Gin.” I said, expressionless.
Our Alkoholexpertekind (thank you Google Translate) immediately began extolling the virtues of a particular “Edinburgh” gin. Clearly, he had been trained to push this brand as evidenced by his next line.
“This Edinburgh gin is amazing. And Edinburgh is where the gin and tonic originated.” Only he said the name of the Scottish city with a very hard “g” at the end. Hint: it’s /Ed-in-bur-rah/ with just the slightest hint of g so soft I didn’t even include it in the pronunciation word.
“No it’s not,” I said so quickly even I was surprised.
Boy genius looked at me puzzled and began to wonder how he would make his escape without looking like he was mentally challenged.
I then proceeded to tell him about how gin originated in Holland, that gin was the English form of jin which was short for the Dutch jiniver which translates to juniper, the berry from which gin is distilled, how the British had colonized Inja and brought their crack cocaine gin with them but realized they’d need to start mixing it with this quinine tonic the Injans were drinking if they wanted the tonic to be both palatable and effective at preventing malaria and THAT is where the gin and tonic came from. I proceeded to add something about navy strength gin and how the Brits began shipping so much of the stuff to the subcontinent that they started concentrating it to save space on their ships but by this point I could see a tear streaming down his doughy cheek.
He thanked me for the history lesson and backed away. 
I thought about the virtue of charity and it’s natural outflow, true Christian kindness. Then I picked up the bottle of Edinburgh, wandered through the aisles and found young Paco. He was assisting another customer. I waited for a break in their conversation and said simply:
“For your trouble, I bought the handle of Edinburgh.”
The things I won’t do to raise a man back up and restore his dignity.
Granted, I stripped that dignity away in twenty seconds flat but still…
Now I’ve just got to sample the stuff and see if it’s any good.
Who am I kidding? It’s gin. I’m going to drink it anyway.
Harvey Millican's Blog: Musings of a Trad Dad 