Monthly Archives: December 2022

Last week, the night before my twin sister’s birthday, I took my wife to dinner. I figured it was the least I could do for her graciously not killing me in my sleep in the past year and thus allowing me to spin around the sun one more time. We were joined by one of my sisters and her daughter. We dined at one of my favorite types of restaurant – a Brazilian steakhouse. Sidenote: these types of restaurants are ideal for anyone on a carnivore diet. On the menu that night? Garlic picanha (my favorite by far and I could totally eat my weight in this cut), filet mignon wrapped in bacon, sirloin, and a healthy dose of snark. Did I mention we like to celebrate birthdays with a few cocktails? Also, I like to celebrate days of the week ending in “y” with a few cocktails.

Do you know what an aviation cocktail is? I’ll tell you. It’s a gin cocktail that was popular during the reign of Pius XI (so, obviously popular with me). Also, if you don’t know this by now, I am known as a gin connoisseur. I am known as such by other people who, not knowing much about gin and seeing me sipping it all the time, assume I know what I’m talking about. And I kind of do. Anyway, the aviation is 2 oz. of gin, .5 oz. of maraschino liqueur, .25 oz. of creme de violette, and .75 oz. of lemon juice all shaken over ice and served in a cocktail glass with a brandied cherry for garnish. I drink a gin and tonic or two everyday for my health (pretty sure it kept the Coof at bay) but these puppies will help you fly away from whatever unimaginative conversation you might find yourself engaged in. That wasn’t exactly the case here. Having CLEP’ed you on Bartending 101, I will tell you the meat of the conversation.

My niece, a lovely young 20-something lady had a bout with ovarian cancer in her teens. Yes, that is rare. Fortunately, she made it through just fine. She is dating a fine young man. Pray for his conversion, please. He’s on the way, I believe. He already comes to Mass with her every Sunday which is more than I can say for 90% of supposed Catholics. At one point in the conversation, my niece alluded to her plans for the future by stating how much fun it will be in a few years when she and her husband have kids.

It was at this point that the aviation and my inability to NOT keep my mouth shut collided. I could feel the words rapidly forming in my brain and spewing forth from my lips and yet did nothing to stop myself.

“Sweetheart, you have one ovary and you’ve been jabbed. That ship sailed a long time ago.”

Then I, my sister, my wife, and my niece all erupted in the kind of laughter you might witness when wine moms get together for book club but the book is a bottle of wine instead of a bound tome. Think it’s strange the niece laughed as well?

She was on her second aviation.

So the moral here is don’t get vaxxed and also go easy on the aviations. Alternate moral: make yourself an aviation. You’ll thank me later.

Here’s a clip of my favorite Marian anthem for your Advent meditations.