Tag Archives: synod

The Synodal Family

I received a letter this morning that was signed by three humans and a dog. The letter was an invitation of sorts. I will share it with you here.

Dear RadTradScum Fellow Journey-Person on the Path to Fraternity:

As you may know, the holy and august Council Birthers at the Glorious Vatican II Council* invited us to sing a new Church into being. It has now been 60 years and you haven’t even whistled a single note. You are perilously close to being in great peril.

But fear not! We the undersigned desire your happiness in this life. We cordially invite you to join us in a wonderful process known as “synodal synoding”. It will be a gay time for all! The synodal way is a tender and beautiful path that the Apostles followed right after Christ ascended and they realized that He was not only Lord and Savior of all but mostly a prophet of love for all the marginalized. Over time, OldChurch grew bitter and sad and, thanks to adherence to the wicked and rigid patriarchy, came to exclude all the peoples who just wanted to be part of the Love of Christ. Fortunately, we, the children of the Easter of the Springtime of the Church, have rediscovered the synodal road and now wish to force for you to take our hands and come with us. Below are the results of our days-long synodal listening sessions with the questionnaires and stuff. We even used a SurveyMonkey thing because we’re hip. Listen to these results. The peoples are crying out to you.

First, we have felt excluded from the beauty of inculturation. We think it isn’t right that you tell us we cannot watch many of the Youtube things we want to watch. Our friends in this world only want happy things for us. We cannot possibly dialogue with them if we do not become like them. Let us be influenced so that we may influence.

Second, clinging to the past is fake and gay (but in the bad way). We object that you make us say our prayers in Latin like it was some kind of special language just because some unenlightened people call us “Roman” Catholic. There are so many other languages. More to the point, we object to a family where we are made to say “prayers” at all. Our faith life should reflect the spirit of the times. Why can’t we have a family where we just say nice things to each other at dinner occasionally? That IS our community meal, you know, and that’s what Jesus wanted from us.

Third, we don’t like a family where our daily lives are regulated. Making us get up in the morning and do school work or chores? No! The Spirit moves us to feel our way through life. This is the Spirit who inspires us to spirit things.

Fourth, remembering that the community of believers exists to lift each other up in joy and prayer, we need the judgment to stop. Look, man, it is so rigid of you to “discipline” us when we do wrong. Just because I forgot to take out the trash about thirty times this month, doesn’t mean God doesn’t love me and you have to stop making me feel bad so I can journey! (This last note was oddly specific.)

Fifth, we feel marginalized. We aren’t sure what that means but we don’t like it.

Finally, we demand to be able to make decisions with you and sometimes in your place, as in when we want to make decisions solely for ourselves. Just because God made you the “Dad” doesn’t mean you get to rule us. Also, I don’t like it when you don’t allow me to take part in your REM sleep cycle by kicking me off the bed. That sleep cycle is where you dream and dreaming is from the Spirit. (I think this point is from the dog?)

So, father, join us. You won’t have much of a choice anyway. We’re going to do what we want. But if you come along, at least we can all say we were in it together! We even made a drawing so we can synod proudly with a logo.

* The only real council.

The Les Femmes Ladies Had Me Both Laughing and Wretching at This One

The blog Les Femmes, authored by some amazing women who’s pro-life activism over the years is nothing short of inspiring, have a brilliant post up today that really made me laugh… until it made me spew chunks. Let me explain.

At the bottom of the piece – click here – is an embedded video of the Synodal Gay Ways theme song. I laughed first at the paragraph above this video. Their description of just how faggy this ditty is made me question if I had ever heard Haugen, Haas, or Schutte before. “Could this one be that horrendous?“ I mused. Side note: in typing the word “ditty” above, my phone autocorrected first to “dirty” and then to “Soddy”. Seems appropriate.

Go check out that link and tell me if you don’t instantly recognize that this synod is all about the bone ponies. Have a bucket handy. By the way, the opening notes sound ripped off from Gloria Loring’s Friends and Lovers.

Lord Jesus, have mercy on us!

Sodo-Synod Survey Says… We Ain’t Catholic!

*Updated to correct the Barnhardt quote.

One of my hometown papers (that’s an archaic broadside people used to read to gather information) ran a lovely piece today about the Synodal Survey Soundings of the Sodo-Synodal Synod on Synoding.

First lines usually set the tone and this one was no joke.

“Reach out to the marginalized, ordain women, engage the youth.”

I don’t like to waste time – mine or yours. Let’s cut through the bullshit. I’ll re-write it for you.

“We haven’t been inside a Catholic church, let alone practiced a scintilla of the faith since water was poured on our heads in infancy. Why isn’t the Church, like, more with the times, yo?”

In other words, the synod-goers want a Catholic Church that ISN’T Catholic. That wasn’t so hard, was it?

Cathedral Basilica of the Sacred Heart, Newark, NJ

They want women’s orders, lay-run everything, abortion, contraception, sex, sex, sex, free stuff, more sex only as bizarre as possible this time, and general faggotry busting out all over. Thank you, no. These things are not Catholic. And I won’t apologize for saying it, nor for my tone in saying it. To quote Ann Barnhardt, “I want my Church back, you sonofabitch!”

Let’s see. They want to think of themselves as Catholic but not actually be Catholic. I think we call that the Protestant heresy.

Did someone say antichurch?

It sounded like someone said antichurch?

God in heaven, have mercy on us!

*The original version of this post misquoted Miss B. as “Give me back my Church, you sonofabitch,” instead of the correct version: “I want my Church back, you sonofabitch.” Apologies to Miss B.

More Synodal Gay Ways

I came across an interesting post today on Canon212. It was a link to a parish bulletin from St. Joseph’s parish in Long Beach, CA. Allow me to summarize.

As near as I can tell, the nitwits running this parish “participated” in the synodal gay way by gathering a sampling of young people from the parish to trash the Catholic faith, about which they know absolutely nothing because they were taught in Catholic schools.

With me so far?

Deacon Tom (Paul VI really laid a number on us with the perma-deacons, none of whom observe clerical continence) lays out the bullet points from the “listening sessions”. I’ve chosen three at random for your reading pleasure.

1.) “We need to create an atmosphere whereby the LGTBQ community feels welcomed and loved.”

-Or we could really be charitable and tell them to stop calling themselves by a bunch of letters, stop committing physically harmful and spiritually abhorrent acts of sodomy, and straighten up because God wills their eternal salvation not damnation. Let’s welcome them by teaching the Catholic faith!

2.) “Our young people commented… can’t women be priests?”

-No. in like manner, I, a man, can never be a mother. Man gives. Woman receives. Seed. Field. Do any of you twits ever observe nature or are you so glued to your phones you speak in meme?

3.) “We need more programs for… 18-25 year olds to better understand their faith”

Good God! Does anyone remember midnight basketball? What we need is solid catechesis from solid, manly priests. I’m talking priests who aren’t inclined toward post-pubescent boys and who wear their cassocks like a tomb enclosing their earthly frames. Teach the faith. Live the faith. Want a “program”? Try daily mass and fifteen decades of the rosary every day.

Call me when the Church has completely imploded. I’ll be sipping on my gin and tonic.