The Synodal Family

I received a letter this morning that was signed by three humans and a dog. The letter was an invitation of sorts. I will share it with you here.

Dear RadTradScum Fellow Journey-Person on the Path to Fraternity:

As you may know, the holy and august Council Birthers at the Glorious Vatican II Council* invited us to sing a new Church into being. It has now been 60 years and you haven’t even whistled a single note. You are perilously close to being in great peril.

But fear not! We the undersigned desire your happiness in this life. We cordially invite you to join us in a wonderful process known as “synodal synoding”. It will be a gay time for all! The synodal way is a tender and beautiful path that the Apostles followed right after Christ ascended and they realized that He was not only Lord and Savior of all but mostly a prophet of love for all the marginalized. Over time, OldChurch grew bitter and sad and, thanks to adherence to the wicked and rigid patriarchy, came to exclude all the peoples who just wanted to be part of the Love of Christ. Fortunately, we, the children of the Easter of the Springtime of the Church, have rediscovered the synodal road and now wish to force for you to take our hands and come with us. Below are the results of our days-long synodal listening sessions with the questionnaires and stuff. We even used a SurveyMonkey thing because we’re hip. Listen to these results. The peoples are crying out to you.

First, we have felt excluded from the beauty of inculturation. We think it isn’t right that you tell us we cannot watch many of the Youtube things we want to watch. Our friends in this world only want happy things for us. We cannot possibly dialogue with them if we do not become like them. Let us be influenced so that we may influence.

Second, clinging to the past is fake and gay (but in the bad way). We object that you make us say our prayers in Latin like it was some kind of special language just because some unenlightened people call us “Roman” Catholic. There are so many other languages. More to the point, we object to a family where we are made to say “prayers” at all. Our faith life should reflect the spirit of the times. Why can’t we have a family where we just say nice things to each other at dinner occasionally? That IS our community meal, you know, and that’s what Jesus wanted from us.

Third, we don’t like a family where our daily lives are regulated. Making us get up in the morning and do school work or chores? No! The Spirit moves us to feel our way through life. This is the Spirit who inspires us to spirit things.

Fourth, remembering that the community of believers exists to lift each other up in joy and prayer, we need the judgment to stop. Look, man, it is so rigid of you to “discipline” us when we do wrong. Just because I forgot to take out the trash about thirty times this month, doesn’t mean God doesn’t love me and you have to stop making me feel bad so I can journey! (This last note was oddly specific.)

Fifth, we feel marginalized. We aren’t sure what that means but we don’t like it.

Finally, we demand to be able to make decisions with you and sometimes in your place, as in when we want to make decisions solely for ourselves. Just because God made you the “Dad” doesn’t mean you get to rule us. Also, I don’t like it when you don’t allow me to take part in your REM sleep cycle by kicking me off the bed. That sleep cycle is where you dream and dreaming is from the Spirit. (I think this point is from the dog?)

So, father, join us. You won’t have much of a choice anyway. We’re going to do what we want. But if you come along, at least we can all say we were in it together! We even made a drawing so we can synod proudly with a logo.

* The only real council.

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